I know it has been awhile since everything ended but i cant seem to get him out of my mind and worst, my heart. It hurts knowing hes with someone else but it also cheers me up a little knowing he is with someone who keeps him happy and who loves him to no extent.
It hurts having to tell people that were not a thing anymore. His friend (I have no idea who) just asked me, "Babe, aren't you like dating _____ now?....." It was really hard but things which are not there anymore have to be told to prevent misunderstandings. It is really difficult. It really is.
To be totally honest, i am still not over him. I am trying. Trust me. I am even not in talking terms with him anymore. But what i had for him hasnt changed abit. We stopped talking because i respect what he has now even if he has recently told me things which would mean a lifetime of happiness to me.
What we had was a lie. It wasnt really love. Love takes time. Time was something we didnt have. I know that. He has never left her emotionally. She hung on. Most importantly, he hung on. During that period of time, i have given him chances to leave me. I really did. But only because i know whats right as his love for her was always there. It was obvious. The things he would and wouldnt do tells alot.
Thinking about him still does bring tears to my eyes. It hurts. I still dont think i have done anything wrong as i didnt know he was taken when i first met him. I swear. Until we went out for our first date my friend told me that he was actually in a relationship. I pulled back to everything on our first date. But i guess pulling back cannot really last when you know you are already into a person and when the person is also holding on, literally. I guess i was a little too late when i did too as my feelings towards him grew.
I am not apologizing for "stealing" as i believe that is something a person cannot do. I am, though, apologizing for ruining it for her. I didnt know, honest.
So here, Im sorry. Id prefer to have her as a friend than someone who just promotes my blog, negatively.
I thought my feelings for him died off a few days back but only now i noticed i have not only been lying to the people around me but to myself. No worries though, my feelings are kept to myself. I dont look for him anymore. I know what she wants because it was what i wanted. He doesnt know. So dont show this to him. He doesnt read my blog, i know that for a fact.
He has never loved me the way he did to her. So, she should be happy (I know she is) that she has him and im a 110% sure he is proud to have her as his girl. I am happy for them. I hope everything between them blooms as it did before i came into the picture.
I may have ruined the picture but i believe and know that the negatives are still kept intact somewhere deep in their hearts. Those negatives are now turning into butterfly pictures. It will grow bigger and better. Just hold on to him tighter. When i say i tighter i mean it. I know what im taking about. Trust me.
I dont think i should continue. Goodnight.
"It is amazing how you still manage to give me butterflies in my stomach everytime i see your name."
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