ANTONY REMO
One day while preparing to go for dinner, Antony decided to take a dump before showering. This was the beginning of an adventure he would soon forget. After taking a satisfying dump, he flushed the toilet as normal. Only this time, the flush handle broke off! What could have made that happen? Was it a plane? Was it a bird? Was it a radioactive spider? Was it the unforeseen gamma radiation?
Whatever it was, Antony was so strong that he broke a flush handle without exerting any effort at all. Just like breathing, breathing, blinking or breathing. When the flush handle broke off, his hand was still pushing downward. The broken flush handle cut his arm wide open just about half a foot long and a quarter foot wide. Yes, he has very very big and muscular arms. And he is sexy awesome. Seeing his arm being torn apart made him think: "Should I eat this meat medium raw or medium well? Black pepper sauce or a plain meat seasoned with salt and pepper?". Then he thought he should save his appetite for Neon and YJ's farewell dinner. Joshua is a nottyboy.
As any other butcher, he decided to contain and keep the meat free from contamination. The view of fresh meat and sauce excited him and his heart went pumping wildly. He told himself to calm down. Using some toilet paper(TP), he tried to stop the bleeding before covering the scratch. But the bleeding was so profuse that the TP slipped out of his hands onto the bathroom floor. Twice! Deeming the TP contaminated, he ran 2km to the kitchen to find a new roll of TP. After finishing a roll of TP, he finally stopped the bleeding (of sauce).
Knowing the importance of disinfection, he emptied a round from his AA-12 shotgun onto his scratch and burned the gunpowder. Viral scans showed no Zerg infestation. He then farted. From 5miles around, monkeys, cats and dogs ran. Birds took flight. Crawlies crawled. Aqualife swimmed away for safety from the heavenly blast. He then dressed the wound with some gauze and 3M NEXCARE MICROPORE™ PAPER TAPE Hypoallergenic #1 Hospital Brand.
After a nice dinner and yamcha session with his friends, he went home to sleep as any good person would. "Early to bed, early to rise, makes me a fine and healthy man." is his motto. The next morning he went to a doctor after stopping a robbery at a ballet studio and saving a petrol station from a fire. It was Antony's first time visiting a clinic as he had never been ill before. As soon as he registered, the doctor and nurse came running. Their own true words are as follows. OMG OMG OMG IS IT RELLY HIM OMG ITS TRUE OMG OMG AUTOGRAPH OMG UR AWESUMMM THANK GOD OMG OMG...
Antony slapped the doctor and the nurse slapped herself. They regained their composure and professionalism. The doctor said:" You are such a manly man. To the operation room!"; Nurse said:" Lie down manly man."; Antony said:" No touch!". The doctor started to apply local anesthesia. The first needle broke upon contact. The doctor used his own gastric juices to slightly melt and soften Antony's impressive hierro then applied the local anesthesia. Antony said:" I don't need no painkiller fool!"; the doctor whimpered:" Forgive me your highness, it is only Standard Operating Procedure (SOP)."
The painkiller was applied in two injections. One at the top of the tiny scratch, another at the lower end of the tiny scratch. The first injection made the scratch swell up. Like a balloon. The second injection burst that balloon. Anesthesia came squirting out from the scratch along with some red sauce. Antony never bleeds. The room was full of sauce and anesthesia. The nurse came back with an oxygen tank. For the doctor who was snorkelling in sauce and anesthesia. Antony needs only his awesome to exist.
The doctor wanted to give 5 stitches. For the first stitch the doctor shot a harpoon through Antony's hierro and tied a quadruple knot. Same for the second. By the third stitch, the harpoon was out of gas and it only went halfway through. Antony had to pierce the third stitch himself. He let the doctor tie the stitch up. Later, Antony was given an anti-tetAnus shot. (toilet, tetanus, right?). He was then given antibiotics and painkillers. Painkillers again not needed but SOP. Antony then proceeded to backflip his way home and on his way saving a dog from a tree and a cotton candy from a monster baby.
*moral of the story is: don't flush too hard. be nice to your toilet. it always takes your shit and doesn't complain. so pay attention to it. or it might just hurt you.
**This is a public service reminder from Antony Remo.
 |
| Yummy. |
This got me laughing my ass off.. Worth reading. =)
PS: This does not belong to me. Im merely sharing is awesomus to the maximus work. Hehe.
I know the author so if you want to make him any more famous-er than he already is, let me know.
xx
"Be nice to the toilet bowl because it takes your shit and doesnt complain."
No comments:
Post a Comment